Great, I guess I'm now a Capricorn?
No offense to any Capricorns who read the following, I obviously haven’t met you yet. But the people that I’ve run into that's a Capricorn are kinda…well, dweebs. (Wait didn’t my boss just have a birthday?) Anyway…with this whole changing of the Zodiac signs thing that some scientist apparently just discovered is weirding me out. I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking that I’m screwed on this one. My birthday is February 5th...which, according to the new Zodiac stuff, makes me a Capricorn. Not Cool!
Listen to how bad ass Aquarius’s are…they’re friendly, humanitarians, honest and loyal. We’re also original, inventive along with independent and intellectual. Capricorns are goats! Aquarius’s are water carriers. (Ok, I’m really not sure what that means either?) The “goats” typical traits are being practical and prudent, disciplined and careful. Boring… They’re also known as being pessimistic, fatalistic and grudging weirdoes. Let’s compare some famous Capricorns & Aquarius’s
Well known Capricorns
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab – known terrorist
Jim Bakker – embezzling preacher/adulterer
Chyna – pro wrestler/all around freak
Mel Gibson – so so actor/alledged crazy dude
Marilyn Manson – strange heavy metal singer
Susan Powter – loopy fitness person
Howard Stern – self professed king of all media/pervert
Tiger Woods – golfer/adulterer many times over
Famous & Awesome Aquarius’s
Hank Aaron – The Hammer/Beloved Hall of Fame Baseball player
Bill Bixby – Incredible Actor/This dude turned into the Incredible Hulk
Michael Jordan – Amazing Basketball player/Nike inventor(?)
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - Music Master Duh/Rock me Amadeus!
Norman Rockwell – Uberfamous Artist/McDonald’s did N.R. Xmas Ornaments in the 80's
Shakira – Sexy Inspiring Singer/Dude, these hips don’t lie
Oprah Winfrey – OHPRAH!!! She will own the world soon.
OK, after wasting all this time thinking about this, I realized I really never read horoscopes anyway. Not to mention this article coming out saying nothing is changing anyhow. I better get back to doing something useful for JACK-fm now.
What is a Ophiichus anyway?