Rock Band: Presidents
Happy Presidents Day! Sure, you might be planning a huge annual party where friends bring Jell-o molds and swap stories about the neighborhood gossip since the last Presidents day. But, did you know that some of our Preidents actually rocked? Hell Yes they did.
You might have heard about a band called the Presidents of the United States of America. Yep, they’re pretty good. (Lump, and Peaches are favorites of mine) But, have you heard of the band, “The Commander in Chiefs?” (So what if I pluralized it) Anyhow, this is a fictitious band I made up of real Presidents, who played real instruments, and then a lot of "what if’s" thrown in there. Here’s how I see the bands line-up...
On Bass…Warren G. Harding (29th) Nobody in the band likes this guy, but he can play pretty much any instrument, so they put him on bass guitar.
On fiddle…Woodrow Wilson (28th) He kept asking the band to change its name to the “League of Nations” but they never did?
On Lead Guitar…George H. W. Bush (41st) He served as the bands pilot, George flew them from gig to gig. He also wrote the bands so-so hit song titled “Read My Lips.” (It was a huge hit in Canada)
On piano…Harry S. Truman (33rd) He serves as the band pyro-technician. Every night he drops a bomb on his piano and blows it to smithereens.
On accordion…Richard Nixon (37th) Dick is one of the biggest troublemakers in the band. He is regularly responsible for tearing up a hotel rooms on every tour.
On the guitar & flute….John Q. Adams (6th) He received several citations for swimming in hotel pools naked. He also married a girl from London who nearly broke up the band.
On the organ…Franklin D. Roosevelt (32nd) He also serves as the band’s finance manager on the side. Also wrote the bands first hit song, “Fear itself.” (BTW - Truman has also managed to outfit FDR’s wheel chair with flash-bangs during the organ solos.
On Harmonica….Abraham Lincoln (16th) Noted for his incredible stage presence and one of the fan favorites of the band, but unfortunately was assassinated on stage.
On Harmonica…Ronald Regan (40th) Ron replaced Abraham on Harmonica but would soon leave the band to become and actor after a failed assassination attempt on is life.
On Cello Thomas Jefferson (3rd) This dude drafted the decoration of independence, so it’s no surprise that he was the bands head songwriter.
On Saxophone…Bill Clinton (42nd) He would always claim to “never inhale” after the bands crazy hotel destroying parties. He temporarily left the band on several occasions for sex addition re-hab.
On Banjo & Lead Singer…Chester A. Arthur (21st) Became lead singer of the band after original lead singer James Garfield was shot.
OK, now I’m done wasting company time, back to prepping for JACK’s White Castle Wedding…oh, and Happy Presidents Day, again.