Top 13 Cheesy 80's Horror Movies
Welcome to October. (Not Rocktober like stupid DJ’s wanna call it) JACK-fm does has a few Halloweenie type things planned this month, but since we are “kicking it all off” with a Totally 80’s Weekend. (Check it out here.) I wasted some company time looking up the cheesiest horror movies from the 80’s.
A rash of bizarre murders in New York City seems to point to a group of grotesquely deformed vagrants living in the sewers. A courageous policeman, a photo journalist and his girlfriend, and a nutty bum, who seems to know a lot about the creatures, band together to try and determine what the creatures are and how to stop them. Moose – CHUD stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers so you know this movie is awesomely cheesy. Plus I heard John Heard got the role of Peter McCallister on Home Alone from his performance on this movie. Maybe Not.
Return to Horror High 1987
A few years ago, a mysterious serial-killer caused panic on Crippen High School. The killer was never caught. A movie company, Cosmic Pictures, has decided to make a feature movie about these events - on location, at the now abandoned school. Since members of cast and crew disappear without a trace, it seems as if history is repeating itself... Moose– The cheese level on this movie stands pretty tall. Look George Clooney and Marcia Brady are in this flick.
Return of the Living Dead 1985
When a bumbling pair of employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to re-animate as they go on a rampage through Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains. Moose – I Love this one, the cheesiness works on this, and who doesn’t like a good Zombie movie. Plus Linnea Quigley gets her wish. Classic!!!
Trick or Treat 1986
Sammi Curr was a famous, devil-worshiping rock star who died under mysterious circumstances. Now he wants to come back to life. Doing so requires possessing radio wave & automobiles and making a few human sacrifices. Moose – OK, Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osborne are main characters in this movie, ‘nuff said.
After being sent to the electric chair, a serial killer uses electricity to come back from the dead and carry out his vengeance on the football player who turned him in to the police. Moose – I Liked this movie. Way too Far-fetched, but Horace Pinker was such a bad ass. He even beat up Jesse “The Body” Ventura in this movie. That’s tough!
Chopping Mall 1986
Eight teenagers are trapped after hours in a high tech shopping mall and pursued by three murderous security robots out of control. Moose - OK, do I really Have to say anything? Really?
Maximum Overdrive 1986
A group of people try to survive when machines start to come alive and become homicidal. Moose – Yep, before he was the coach of The Mighty Ducks, Emilio was saving people from 18 Wheelers powered by the devil. I love Steven King, but this movie I don’t.
Silent Night Deadly Night 1984
After his parents are murdered, a young tormented teenager goes on a murderous rampage dressed as Santa, due to his stay at an orphanage where he was abused by the Mother Superior. Moose – YES! Santa as a killer?! (Why does this one make me think of The Tales from the Darkside with Debroah Harry?) The line on the cover of the movie should give you a clue on this classic.(You made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas)
Sleepaway Camp 1981
Slightly disturbed and painfully shy Angela Baker is sent away to summer camp with her cousin. Not long after Angela's arrival, things start to go horribly wrong for anyone with sinister or less than honorable intentions. Moose – “Things start to go horribly wrong” when you put this one in the VCR. (I don’t think this classic made it to DVD. Maybe it did, still pretty cheesy though) Oh, and don’t forget the eqally cheesy followup, Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers.
Friday the 13th 1980
Camp counselors are stalked and murdered by an unknown assailant while trying to re-open a summer camp that was the site of a child's drowning. Moose – Rule #1, Have sex…get killed by Jasons Mom. Oops, did I give it away? Still, this is some of Kevin Bacon's best acting.
Happy Birthday To Me 1981
Virginia is proud that she belongs to a clique. The best students at a private school. But before her 18th birthday, a grueling set of murders take place and her friends are the ones who are falling prey. Could it be her? She suffers from blackouts due to a freak accident one year earlier. We soon learn the truth behind her accident and what is going on...Moose – OK, I don’t remember ever seeing this movie, but it was made in 1981. It has to have plenty of horribly cheesy effects and junk.
A massive ball of furry creatures from another world eat their way through a small mid-western town followed by intergalactic bounty hunters opposed only by militant townspeople. Moose - Gremlins on Steriods should have been the title. This movie is soooo bad, it barely makes the cheesy/campy level. The line “massive ball of furry creatures from another world” should have given it away.
Just before Halloween, three young brothers alone in a big house are menaced by three escaped mental patients who have murdered some traveling circus clowns and taken their identities. Moose – Really? Who hasn’t had this happen in their small town before? Still Sam Rockwell is in it… and its pretty dang cheesy.
Did I miss any movies? Comment below and let me know. Aright, I have to go dig up more songs from 1987, C-ya.
BTW - Want more Halloween type things to do, check out Nashville Halloween Guide.